That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
