Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everything about him screamed your future.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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