It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I deserve this hangover.
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