I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
