i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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