he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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