He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
