You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
