Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize