There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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