Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
