what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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