Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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