well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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