I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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