I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
