Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
