ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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