Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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