I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
