remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
