She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
