i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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