At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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