The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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