This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
