I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
