I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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