Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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