I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
