1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my shit smells like andre
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
