I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
