Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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