2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
