you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize