dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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