Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
BRING THE BAGELS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
