I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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