I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
