i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
