I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize