I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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