As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
