i will never coherently bang her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize