Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
