my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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