Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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