Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
