The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
