People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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