when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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