Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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