dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
