all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
