Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
