I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
