i used baking grease as lip gloss
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
