I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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