WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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