Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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