I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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