so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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