I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bring money and cleavage
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
