Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
