Don't make out with my wife yet
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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