oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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