may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
