I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
