so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize