he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
