he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
