She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
