ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
