What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
