Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
