I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
