I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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