sorry about calling you the devil all night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
