i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
