I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still dying that you shit outside
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
