At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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