Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
