Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
