You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
