just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize