Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
