dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
